3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
