I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
