a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
