exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
