Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
