i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
