I just pynch a tree in the face
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She needs sedatives and a leash
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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