I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
