stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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