too bad you live with your parents still
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize