She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
