so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
