It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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