I am spending my child support on dildos
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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