Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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