Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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