I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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