I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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