i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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