I want to make a zoo with you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
