I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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