thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
