dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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