well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
