im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
