You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
