We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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