DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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