You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
