Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
