I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
