i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
