i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
