Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
