I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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