i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
