dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
