It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
