she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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