I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
