I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
