If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
