I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
