I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Found your dick twin last night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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