i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
