What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
