no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
