drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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