I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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