i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
