Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
