The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
