take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
