are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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