Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
