FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
