At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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