did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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