While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
