That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
