this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
sex in a hospital.. check
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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