Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
