Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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