i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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