you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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