I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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