Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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