Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
