Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
