Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
