She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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