He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
