Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
