The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
