I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
