i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
