i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
