Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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