I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i will never coherently bang her
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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